Sunday 20 February 2011

Sharks: Why Barb's Place is Hilarious

I started working at Barb's Place Fish and Chips two summers ago and I will never, ever forget my first day there. I ended up applying and interviewing for the job twice for various reasons, and truly thought that I would never get the job. However, to my surprise, I received a call one day from the manager asking me if I'd like to come in to work the next day at 3pm. He had never told me how much I was going to make, nor did he tell me how long this shift would be (I didn't get home until midnight), but I was so desperate for a job that I agreed anyway.

So I go there the next day and it is pouring down rain and the wind coming off of James Bay was freezing. The manager took me around the shop and showed me all of the signed and told me how everything worked before handing me the required paperwork. I filled out the paperwork (which took waaaay too long) and handed it to the manager. While I was talking to the  manager, the assistant manager came in and started talking to the cook's supervisor. The manager started smirking uncontrollably as he was talking to me and it started to freak me out.
What the hell is this guy smirking about? Is there some strange initiation ritual that I will be going through? Will they pour batter on me? Will they make me wash the dirtiest dishes, or worse yet the floor drain? I thought to myself. I tried to control the look of worry on my face until I heard a screech coming from the office area. The manager whips around and starts laughing uncontrollably at the assistant manager who was cowering in fear by the walk-in fridge. I cocked my eyebrow at the cook's supervisor, who then tilted the computer screen towards me.
It was a picture of a shark. The manager made the desktop a picture of a shark knowing that the assistant manager was afraid of them I even found the picture:













I personally find this picture more hilarious than scary, but she (the assistant manager) was hyperventilating and screaming, "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!". The manager and cook's supervisor (and maybe me...) were laughing at her for so long. This managed to eat up a good hour and a bit of my shift. The cook's supervisor changed the picture and the assistant manager calmed down enough to get ready for her shift (which entailed training me). I asked her why she was so afraid of sharks while she was telling me how the till worked and all of the short cuts that would make my job faster.
"I've been afraid of sharks ever since I saw The Little Mermaid. You know, the part where Ariel has to run...er, swim, away from the shark!" And she was dead serious.
I smiled at her and said, somewhat sarcastically, "That part was pretty scary!"
"I know right!" She responded before testing me on my ability to take orders.
This is how my work life at Barb's started. This is how the embarrassing stories to get your cheque early. This is how I met some of the weirdest, greatest people ever. These kind of antics makes getting yelled at by customers because their food has taken longer than 5 minutes worth working there.

Reading Break and the Beginnings of 100 Things I Just Love So Much

Reading break has officially started! I arrived in Nanaimo BC (A.K.A The Mo) yesterday at about 5pm after being driven all the way from Victoria (a whole 2 hours) with someone who does not know how to drive standard, in a vehicle with a standard transmission. It was a very interesting drive to say the least, considering we only almost died twice.
When we arrived at our friend Danielle's apartment building there was a dripping wet man, who was probably in his late fifties, only wearing a speedo by the door of the apartment. I should probably mention that the apartment building is right across the street from the ocean, and it seems that this man had just taken a swim. In the Pacific Ocean. In the middle of February. In -5 degree weather, not including windchill. So Kayla (my driver) goes to buzz Danielle's phone when speedo man says, "Oh, I can let you in."
"Thanks!" we both reply in unison.
Speedo-man proceeds to grab at the strings on his speedo, stand on his toes and kind of arch his body so his crotch is now right next to the lock on the door.
Kayla and I exchanged looks of panic.
After the door opened, we realized that this man had tied his keys to his speedo, and that it was the reason for the odd door-humping. This did not make the exchange less awkward, however.
We spent the next few hours eating butter chicken, drinking wine, and bullshitting about our old high school days. I told them funny jokes, and they laughed, but I was finding it a little hard to get back in to the groove with this particular group of friends. But after enough wine, I felt more at ease.
We went for a walk on the beach afterward in an attempt to sober up a bit (save for the one friend who had to stay sober because she was going to be driving that night), as well as get some fresh air. The water was as calm as the ocean could be. It didn't have any boats on it, and the measured sound of the waves hitting the beach was so soothing I could probably have fallen asleep if I stayed still for too long. There were no clouds in the sky (which is why it was so fucking cold), but the street lights created the illusion that there were not any stars in the sky. We could only see the moon. It was so orange, so big, and so low it looked as if the bottom quarter of it was submerged in the water. It was probably one of the most beautiful things I have seen in a very, very long time.
The moment was then beautifully ruined when we turned around and saw the myriad of very...sketchy looking people going in and out of the gas station that was behind us. After purchasing the largest size of coffee that said corner store could supply us with, we went back to the apartment. The night concluded with the five of us going through our grade 12 yearbook and pointing out all of the people in our grad class who had become parents (almost all of them still live in Port Alberni).
I was given a ride home at 11pm, where I stayed up and played various Sonic the Hedgehog games with my 16 year old sister, who accompanied the game-play with a bunch of questions regarding safe-sex based on her recent exploits with her current boyfriend. I feel ashamed to say that I was more than slightly embarrassed when answering the questions, considering that I am an adult. However, I felt that I hid my embarrassment well enough for her not to notice. We turned off the PS2 at 2:30am and she went to bed. I then helped my mom put thick curtains up over the windows and doors in order to keep the heat from escaping the very inefficient insulation job that was done on her trailer. It was slow going because my mom is unable to hold a conversation and actually do anything other than talk at the same time, but the conversation was pleasant. I ended up going to bed at 4:30am.
I woke up at 1:00pm today and have done nothing except showering, eating, and brushing my teeth since then. This is not strictly because reading break is has just begun and instead of writing the 3 papers that I should have started two weeks ago, I decided to do nothing. I did nothing today because I feel incredibly ill due to the stress that I have been going through due to the fact that all of my profs decided to make everything due AT THE SAME TIME. Fuck. I swear they have like a conference or something. Anyway, my illness, combined with the fact that I am separated from my cat Tali for a whole week, has put me into a bit of a purple mood , so I decided to start a list of 100 Things I Just Love So Much. These are in no particular order.

100: My cat Tali. She is the cutest little brown tabby cat that I have ever seen.
99: The film 'The Fountain'. Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz are brilliant in this film. Clint Mansell composed the soundtrack for this film. If you don't know who he is, look him up in addition to this film.
98: Hot chocolate with Baileys and ice cream. This is the drink that my family drinks on Christmas morning (minus the under age kids).
97: Bioware games. I could easily fill up this list with almost every Bioware game, but I feel it would be a bit cheap, and filler-y.
96: The bison's shepherd's pie coupled with an Alexander Keith's at the Sticky Wicket in Victoria. If you live in Victoria, are 19 and have never been. Go. Now.
95: The Uvic campus, even though it is now sans bunnies. There are trees and wildlife everywhere on this campus. The other day when I was walking to school I ran into a mommy deer with her two babies. I almost died from the cuteness.
94: My mom's kittens. They are named Sam and Frodo (or as my mom says FRODOTHEGIRL, because it turned out that Frodo was in fact a girl).
93: Japanese wood-block prints from the Tokugawa period.
92: Wolves. I have always loved wolves and I'm not incredibly sure why.
91: The game Okami. Specifically the PS2 version. The painting on the Wii version was a bit better, but it didn't have the same parchment look as the PS2 version. This game is stupidly addictive and fun, and it is also an amalgamation of numbers 93 and 92 on my list. How can you go wrong with that?
90: Beacon Hill Park in Victoria. It has some of the most beautiful gardens and the energy there is just awesome. My grandma used to take me and my sister there all of the time as a kid and we'd play in the water park, or we'd go to the petting zoo. I still go there now by myself and feed the ducks/ peacocks. There is also a statue honouring Robbie Burns. It's actually kinda small.
89: The way James Bay looks at 10am, when I go to start my opening shift at Barb's Place, when the mist is just starting to dissipate. There are very few people on Fisherman's Wharf at this time in the morning and it's incredibly peaceful.
88: Fish and chips from Barb's Place Fish and Chips. Victoria's best fish and chips, so if you ever go to Victoria between mid March and mid October and you like fish and chips, go there! Plus, if you go, you get to see me (and probably laugh) at the horrific outfit I have to wear.
87: The smell of a new book. This is kind of lame, but I can sit and smell a new book forever. Nothing else smells like it.
86: The book Monkey Beach by Eden Robinson. It's Canadian literature that doesn't beat you over the head with maple syrup.
85: Ferngully. This movie has been one of my most favourite movies since it came out. Hexxus will forever scare the shit out of me.
84: Beowulf by Gareth Hinds. It is a graphic novel and super fucking awesome if you don't know what it is.
83: Folklore. This game probably isn't everyone's favourite (well, nobody I know has even played it), but it helped me get through some tough times in my life. And by help I mean that it proved to be a great distraction from everything that was going wrong in my life.

That's all I can think of right now. Plus, I should go to bed, or start a paper or something. Hopefully this week (because it is now officially Sunday) will begin to look up!